Disclaimer: This content is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of any information presented. We are not liable for any actions taken based on this content. For specific issues or decisions, we recommend seeking professional advice. This content is not promoted on social media.
If you are reading this article, chances are you recently found out that your partner is cheating and even though your mind is full of negative thoughts for obvious reason, somewhere inside you wish to figure how to repair this whole thing and move on. Right?
If yes, keep reading because we are going to give here some options that you may have after finding out that your partner is cheating on you. This article can be useful both of cheating partner and victim of infidelity.
[Infidelity meaning: the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or in easy words cheating or being non loyal to your partner]
Susie had a doubt that his husband may be showing a little too much interest in a colleague which later was confirmed, after she confronted him a few times, that there was something going on.
This was of course shocking and disappointing for her and broke her heart. Despite all this, the couple stayed together and 23 yrs down the line they are still together and celebrating their anniversary. What steps can be taken to make this happen is discussed in this article.
However, please note that this happy ending is not that common and for many, infidelity is actually the final nail in the coffin. A study conducted by the Austin Institute found that unfaithfulness in a marriage accounted for around 37% of divorces in the U.S.
As per the stats from official Australian govt. site, in Australia, In 2016, for both men and women, the divorce rate was highest for those aged 25–29 years. After that, divorce rates lower slightly, staying steady for couples during their 30s before a second peak in their late 40s. After 55, couples become increasingly less likely to divorce.
These were just some facts to make you aware of what’s happening with others. It is always good to know.
So what can be done to fix the situation?
Cheating your partner if of course the most terrible thing you can do to your spouse. If you have done this, accept it honestly as explained in more detail later.
Both need to sit down and build up some sort of transparency and trust so it doesn’t happen again. If the cheating partner is willing to accept the mistake, ready to be fully honest and transparent in future and willing to repair and build the relationship then it can work out.
Instead of playing the blame game, both should discuss what can be done about it and how to positively move forward. If there is true love still there between both of you then this is the time to bring it up on surface and remind each other of love that you hold for each other. Show it and talk about it.
If there is love then what went wrong? Why despite love, one spouse decided to risk everything? If you cheated then why you did it? Though no excuse is good enough to justify your cheating but bring the issues on the table means you can work it out to fix them.
Looking into things that can be fixed is a good sign that your relationship has the potential to be repaired. In fact, it may not simply be repaired, but you may come out even stronger than before if you handle it the right way.
Though it won’t be as easy and it is a long road. Below are some of the steps to be considered.
Is there any Remorse?
[Remorse meaning: deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed.]
There needs to be an adequate level of remorse from the cheating partner and he or she really do have to feel deeply sorry. If consciously or subconsciously cheating partner is convincing themselves that they haven’t really done much wrong and hoping the situation just pass away without any hassle then that’s not going to help repair the relationship. There has to be deep sense of regret and remorse for what happened.
Honesty & Transparency is Important
People can make poor choices at times, the question is if they are ready to accept what happened and are they ready to fix it?
This can decide whether or not you’ll both be able to move forward. If cheating partner keeps repeated say that he didn’t do it when actually he did it, then it is not going to help.
Instead of focusing on putting a cover on the truth, they need to show that they are ready to take responsibility of their mistake, their actions, ready to fix it and assure honestly they are determined it won’t happen again.
Focus can be made on underlying unmet needs in the relationship, poor communication, attachment difficulties. This is so that both can look into fixing it. Though issues can be an excuse for infidelity so cheating partner must understand this.
DON’T LOOK AT DOING AN AFFAIR OR CHEATING AS A WAY TO TAKE REVENGE. Instead, work on finding solutions while being loyal. NO EXCUSE IS GOOD ENOUGH TO CHEAT.
All couple have small issues here and there and cheating your spouse because of small or minor issues is wrong.
Psychologist believe that Infidelity is very complex, there’s a lot of depth and complexity to why people might cheat and how you can find a way back to each other. So looking into the insights is vital.
Take a deeper look into “Why did this happen? Where was the breakdown? What was it in our relationship that ultimately caused us to have an open door for someone else to walk into it? Having that insight in your relationship is going to be important.”
As per a case study given in this article by nbcnews.com, the cheating partner (husband Grant who cheated to wife Elle) admitted he was a sex addict and sought out therapy on his own to work through it. He worked on fixing his issues and to understand why he’d risked a family he loved for relationships that didn’t really matter.
Elle said “Grant’s EFFORTS to fix things played a big role in repairing the whole situation.”
If the affair is with someone who is at the same workplace as cheating partner then after fixing things they need to be transparent of any interaction they may have with that affair.
The person who cheated has to be completely honest and share everything that actually happened (not just the mild details).
As a cheating partner, are you ready to honestly share every detail and ready to be transparent or are you still talking about your own freedom or doing whatever you wish to do?
This level of transparency needs to continue for as long as it takes to build that trust back up again; something that Elle says was key to her healing process. “My husband gave up anything that made me uncomfortable (like going out with the boys after work). I had access to any/all electronics/emails, passwords etc. He told me where he was going and who he’d be with. Seems humiliating in the short term, but he understood that that was how he was going to rebuild trust,” she says.
You’re going to have to set other things aside for a while and you’re really going to have to pour into this relationship in order for it to have a fresh, strong, new foundation.
Be Careful of Who You Discuss things with
“The more people that know about it, the more people are going to have their opinions based off of purely trying to protect you from getting hurt,” McNulty, LMHC, practicing in Florida explains. “This is the therapist’s worst nightmare because coalitions and allegiances amongst friends and family members really make moving forward difficult.” Especially if you two do decide to work through this. “The person who was cheated on may be able to forgive and move on, but the family still holds an intense grudge that usually puts more pressure on an already vulnerable relationship that is trying to rebuild and move on,” says McNulty.
Considering working with a therapist
This can be an important step if you both are trying to talk but have some trust issues. Usually, both won’t listen to friends or family of their spouse/partner as obviously they will support their own loved one. This is where a therapist comes in. Both partners can go to meet up with a relationship expert or therapist or counsellor. As they are not related to any one partner, they have independent genuine advice for both and both can trust the therapist without any issues.
Couple can share what happened with the therapist and they can become an intermediate to resolve the issue.
Grant and her husband eventually sought couples counseling after they had each worked with separate therapists. “Our relationship is better in a lot of ways thanks to therapy,” says Grant. “My husband has shown up for our life together in a way that he just didn’t before. We have a lot of fun together, he’s a much more hands-on father. Therapy helped him work through a lot of childhood grief, so that his own feelings are a lot more accessible to him.”
“If you’re truly wanting to move on and continue with life with your partner after infidelity and have a loving relationship, it is possible. I see it in my office every day,” says McNulty.
Note: For education purpose, to educate readers in general about relationship and to help readers with enough examples, some case studies in this article are taken as it is from this article.
LifeFAQ
Latest posts by LifeFAQ (see all)
- How to Get Out of Depression - July 1, 2022
- Top 3 Tips for A Smooth Move in Wet Weather - April 16, 2021
- How to Repair relationship after partner cheats - September 9, 2020